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Why I Won’t Ever Marry Myself

Just MarriedI recently read about a new trend called SOLOGAMY. This is where longtime single people (primarily women) decide at a certain point in life that they are not going to find their soul mate, so they hold a marriage ceremony where they invite guests and recite vows and marry themselves. (I’m not making this up-it’s a real thing!)

The reasoning is that these folks want to make a public declaration that they are “complete and enough,” even if they are not partnered with someone else.

OK- Let’s review…I am the first one to applaud women believing in and cherishing themselves, in fact much of my work centers around helping women grow their self-awareness and confidence, but even for me, this behavior crosses a line into Sunset Boulevard territory… with Gloria Swanson’s final line…“Alright Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close up.”

 I get it, we all want the chance for our own “close-up” but  really – Am I the only one seeing the pitfalls of this idea?

21 Reasons Why I Won’t Ever Marry Myself:

  1. What if the chemistry just isn’t there?
  2. How wouId I separate the finances, so I didn’t hold all the control?
  3. Division of labor in a marriage is tantamount to success- where would I even start?
  4. The idea of walking myself down the aisle in public to recite vows to myself, is just plain sad.
  5. I guess the song, “Where two or more are gathered,” is out.
  6. I’m a Gemini- I don’t even think this is a realistic possibility for me.
  7. What if after I say “I DO,” I find out I don’t really like the person I married?
  8. I don’t want to have to worry about myself cheating on myself.
  9. It’d be hard to find wedding cake decorations with just one bride and I’d hate to pay for a groom I don’t need.
  10. I hate giving myself away.
  11. I’m afraid it would look less like a wedding and more like an over-dressed, confused woman talking to herself in front of her friends.
  12. If I were going to have a wedding ceremony and I couldn’t find a groom, I think I would at least marry my cat. (Luckily, he’s a Tuxedo.)
  13. I think the honeymoon might be disappointing.
  14. No matter how much I love myself, I can’t carry myself over the threshold.
  15. I think the proposal might be anti-climactic.
  16. Having to feign surprise as I pick out the engagement ring – “Oh, I think I’ll love it.”
  17. Some right-wing group would probably mount a protest and try to tell me it’s illegal.
  18. Not knowing how to handle the moment when they say, “You may now kiss the bride”- Personally, I don’t think that’s physically possible without a hand mirror.
  19. I think it would be tough to surprise myself every anniversary – and what would I tell people? “Yes, I’ve been together for 15 happy years now, and they said I wouldn’t last.”
  20. And if for some reason it didn’t work out, I don’t even want to think about the ramifications of a messy divorce from myself.
  21. The upside – I’d save on rice.

Karyn Ruth White is a “thought-laugher” in the exciting field of Human Potential.  She calls herself a Success Humorist (a job title she made up.) She energizes Conferences around the U.S. with her hilariously poignant Keynote talks. She is also an Author, a Comedian, a Keynote Coach and the proud owner of Laugh and Learn Productions, LLC, an enterprise helping people to marry their best selves with their best work. Visit her on-line at karynruth.com or email her at info@karynruth.com.